Robert Simpson
DR. M. Mehaffy
English 102
3 February 1998
Inventing Myself
In the winter of 1985 I attempted to change the fact that I was shy and not very popular. It was not a pleasant experience. I didn’t do very well but I learned that it doesn’t matter how many friends you have.
It was November of 1985 and my mother had to travel to New Orleans for medical reasons. I was left to go and live with my Grandmother for the rest of the school year. My grandmother lives about 100 miles away so I would have to go to a different school. The good thing about that is that I was not very popular in the school I was in. I wasn’t looking forward to living with my Grandmother but at least I could make new friends, possibly find friends that wouldn’t pick fights with me. The only thing I was worried about in the new town was being remembered by old friends since I had lived in the same town before. I was hoping that I had changed enough that the few friends that were still here would not recognize me.
My grandmother took me to the store to buy some new clothes and to get a hair cut. I liked the idea of getting new clothes but my idea of a haircut and my grandmother’s idea of a hair cut were completely different. She didn’t believe in style, just short. After going through what felt like having my head shaved we went to buy my new clothes, on which by the way she was a little more lenient. This was this first time I ran into someone I knew. She was a girl I had had a crush on when I was in grade school. She was there with her mother for apparently the same reason I was. I didn’t say anything; I was still hoping no one will recognize me. She did see me but I don’t think she recognized me, so far so good.
The first day at my new school was typical. I spent more time looking for all of my classrooms than I spent actually in them. I was also more worried about whom the teachers were, when lunch was and how I was going to get home than I was about meeting people. So needless to say I didn’t introduce myself to anybody and nobody really tried to meet me. All I got was an occasional ‘hello’ or ‘hi’ but so far no one I knew was there.
It was very hard for me to get over being shy. I spent a lot of time by myself. I would start introducing myself to one person at a time and over the next couple of weeks I would start being less afraid to be in groups of people. It would take 10 years to move into large groups of people. So far I’ve met a couple of people that remembered me from grade school but they didn’t know me very well then.
The problem didn’t start until I decided to have lunch in the outdoor café. We had two places to eat on campus; I usually ate in the indoor café. But on this particular day some of my new friends talked me into going to eat outdoors. There he was the bully that had tormented me my entire grade school career.
He wasn’t very big then, just very mean and determined. Now he is just huge. I found out later that he was on the football team. Thoughts of him stealing my lunch money and beating me up after school were running through my head. I was hoping that he wouldn’t recognize me, or at least he might be a little more mature considering that we were in high school now. I was mistaken, not only did he remember me I think he went backwards on his maturity level.
Over the curse of a month I had suffered enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime. This ‘bully’ would not leave me alone. He tormented me just like we were still in grade school. The worst part was that all of my so-called friends were taking his side, probably out of fear. I never lied but I didn’t tell everyone that I was a little grade school wimp. After everyone found out that I wouldn’t fight, they lost all respect for me.
I’ve learned that it is more important to keep your integrity that to have a lot of friends. The friends I have today have more trust in me that most people can imagine. I still will not fight but now I can see what kind of people that like to fight and I just stay away from them.